The Hole in his heart
by Halo Cyan
Summary: Sephiroth was born with a hole in his heart. Rated K for the angst. Includes storyline spoilers for Crisis Core.


**Disclaimer: FF7, the characters, storyline or settings belong to me. They belong to Square Enix. **

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SOLDIER First Class, Sephiroth had it all: the perfect job, his seven foot masamune, a leather coat to die for and, of course, his status as a hero. He had admiration, respect, fear. He also had a gaping hole in his heart.

Born in a laboratory and raised in isolation without ever knowing your parents will do that to you.

But Sephiroth was never aware of that hole. See, as soon as Sephiroth had learned to fight, he had been exposed to the world and with that world had come his admirers. So one could say that the hole in his heart was unknowingly filled with the many boxes of chocolate and letters of praise and even pleas of marriage presented to him by his fans. This lead Sephiroth to believe that he had it all; indeed, it was all he had ever had and therefore all he knew to exist. From this belief came the belief that he was happy. Certainly all those around him had insisted that one couldn't be anything _but _happy in his position. So yes, Sephiroth thought he was very happy for he knew no better, and after all, he had had that hole in his heart since he had been born. Why take note and cry over something that has always existed? Something that he believed to be normal?

But holes in hearts do not go by unnoticed forever. Sephiroth was no exception to this.

The first time that the hole had made itself known was when Sephiroth had met two other boys his age. They were teenagers then: Sephiroth, a silver-haired, green-eyed, slightly gangly sixteen year old, the other two slightly older and taller than him and Banoran. The two were best friends. One had black hair that reached to the base of his skull and a sword as large as himself. He was named Angeal. The other, slim and very feminine with a soothing voice and reddish brown hair was named Genesis. Unlike Sephiroth they both had blue eyes.

But that didn't matter, (why should it, after all?) and soon the three became the close-knit group that was SOLDIER First Class. So it was, that little by little, Sephiroth had realised that he had _not_ had everything and that something previously had been missing. But with that realisation came fulfilment for Sephiroth saw what it was he didn't have and also saw, that in its presence, he now had what was once absent: love and friendship. One must remember that Sephiroth had never known family. He did not understand such things. He had known only the detailed briefing or the important military orders. He had known only how to be professional.

So one could imagine Sephiroth's confusion when Genesis asked to borrow his belongings and refused to call him anything but 'Seph' and when Angeal invited him over for a movie and ended up eating everyone's popcorn. What relevance did it have to work? What did it matter what Sephiroth's favourite colour was? What foods he liked?

Then he slowly came to understand. This was friendship; this was how it felt to be loved. And Sephiroth, who had never known either, came to cherish it. For the first time, it wasn't admiration and it wasn't fear of him. These two men, his friends, had shown him love and friendship. It was in the way Angeal helped him up when he fell and the way Genesis joked, even to his expense sometimes. And it was in the way they would all be trudging through mud in the rain after a battle and Genesis would decide it would be funny to push Angeal into the mud. Angeal had dragged Sephiroth down with him then the pair had pelted a hysterically laughing Genesis with mudballs. The memory always brought a smile to Sephiroth's face.

With his two friends, Sephiroth grew spiritually and emotionally. For the first time in his life, he realised he was not alone. He did not have to be professional. He did not have to be a robot. He did not have to be perfect. He could be human. He was human. And it felt good in a way he couldn't explain.

But with such love and such friendship comes vulnerability.

It was like a knife to Sephiroth's heart when Genesis, one of his best friends – one of his only friends – deserted Shin-Ra. The raw betrayal. The confusing pain. Sephiroth knew pain: it was the stab of metal or the burn of a bullet. But the pain he experienced at the loss of Genesis was different. He could not make it disappear with curaga. It showed no physical wound. But it was there. He knew because he felt it, raw, every waking moment of his. It was like his heart was pulling itself free of his chest. The hole in Sephiroth's heart was once again opening.

Sephiroth could have survived. After Genesis's betrayal Angeal was there to comfort him. He would come to his apartment everyday and tell him everything was going to be fine. That Genesis would eventually come back.

That was until Angeal left too.

Once again it was that raw pain.

Sephiroth had refused to believe it at first. Why would Angeal leave too? He, who had told him that everything would be okay? And so the pain grew and grew; the ever widening emptiness in his heart. Angeal's apprentice refused to believe that Angeal had left and Sephiroth had held on to that hope. His last hope against the black abyss growing once again inside of him.

But it never happened. Orders were issued to capture the rogue SOLDIERs. It was publicised that they had been killed in action. Sephiroth had tried to save them but to no avail. There had been sightings and encounters with them. Each leaving Sephiroth emotionally exhausted. He could not understand what was happening. Could not comprehend why.

One day he had learned of Angeal's fate. Of his death. He had mourned bitterly then. For a while he could not speak to Zack. He fantasised for weeks that it had all been a mistake then of making Zack suffer for his crime. He had dreamed that Angeal had come back and brought Genesis with him. He had dreamed and nightmared and woken up sweating and shaking with tears marring his face only to realise that Angeal really was gone. Zack had really killed him. Zack had also killed Sephiroth.

Then came the final day.

"Your mother is a monster."

"_You_ are the perfect monster."

Those words spoken by his best friend, Genesis. The man who had had his back and had shown him friendship. The man he trusted with his life and everything he had. The man who had turned against him.

"You are the perfect monster... Your mother..."

Sephiroth had fallen. The hole in his heart had grown so large. It had been pulled at and ripped and widened to a degree that it finally had swallowed him whole.

His mad mind reasoned in the darkness of the library. He had a mother. She loved him. She was inside him and would never leave him.

And _oh_ how he craved that love. How _desperate_ he was to banish the loneliness. How he felt he would do _anything_ to stop the pain. To satisfy that hole in his chest.

_Anything_ to stop the pain.

"Mother," He whispered; his voice a dangerous river of velvet "Mother, I have had an epiphany..."

He died, of course. He fell into the stream of Mako. He was possessed and his body beaten. Defeated and his mind in shatters. Torn, unsaved and ended.

There was once a man named Sephiroth, SOLDIER First Class. The great Silver General. He was born with a hole in his heart. For a while it was filled with false glamour and then by true friendship. It was torn again and was his demise. He could have been saved. If only he had not had that hole in his heart.

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**I would love reviews.**

**Cheers**

**_~Halo Cyan_  
**


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